False Friends-September 2012

I am truly blessed to have a group of great friends. These are the friends with whom you have gone on vacation, celebrated good times and milestone events together with your children and families, and been there for consolation during difficult times. You have so many memories together that even though you may not see them for long periods of time, when you finally get together the conversation and laughter begin immediately. Unless you are eating or sleeping, there is rarely a time when you have nothing to talk about. These are the people who truly care aboutyou and like you for who you are, faults and all. Over the course of my career I have developed many close relationships with co-workers that have become lasting friends. There are others, however, that I refer to as false friends; those who feign friendship for the personal gain it may bring them through their relationship with you. Such was the case I recently encountered with an employee I'll refer to as Dan who found out the false friends he cultivated over the years weren't there when he needed them most. Dan had a history of verbally disrespecting employees, but he had convinced the owners of the company that what some affected employees called disrespect was really his passion to provide clients the best customer service and, in turn, create revenue for the company. It's true that Dan received high marks from the clients he served, and he felt that their satisfaction ultimately outweighed any mistreatment he doled out to employees to get the job done. The owners knew that Dan had difficulty managing people, and rather than confront the issue they periodically reduced his management responsibility when affected employees he supervised either resigned or threatened to leave. Despite his behavior, they were reluctant to formally discipline him for fear of impacting revenue and client relationships. Over the course of the last year, Dan befriended two new executives who joined the company, and, in the true fashion of a false friend, touted their relationship as "The Three Amigos" in an effort to gain their support. The new leaders, eager to be successful in their new roles, eagerly accepted Dan's praise and camaraderie. The false friendship worked for a while, even allowing Dan to collect a bonus for completing a project that required collaboration with the two executives. But Dan couldn't hide who he really was and on several occasions deflected blame and denied any knowledge or responsibility for issues that were solely his fault. The other two amigos quickly realized they were being used and that Dan's motives were clearly self- serving and disingenuous. Dan had another one of his outbursts that led to the resignation of a key employee, and the owners finally realized he was more of a problem than an asset. When asked by the owners, his executive co-workers told the owner they could no longer work with him and that if he was allowed to remain in his role many more of their staff would eventually leave. The owners had little choice but to release Dan for the overall good of the organization. Dan's plan to advance his career and fool senior management by cultivating false friends quickly unraveled and ultimately led to his separation from the company. The organization is a healthier place since his departure, and many are now asking why it took so long for Dan to be asked to leave. It's never a pleasant task to terminate an employee, but it becomes a bit more justifiable when the person has demonstrated a lack of integrity and credibility. It's clear that false friendships simply can't help those who only care about themselves.